I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
