My Higher Power is John Stamos
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
