the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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