You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We are two peas in an std pod
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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