i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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