Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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