I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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