I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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