I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
