She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
