just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
