if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
