I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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