i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
