i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
