Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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