capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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