If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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