So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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