Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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