I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
