Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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