Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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