Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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