Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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