ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
