just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
