i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
