We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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