And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
