I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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