It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My cat gives me a boner
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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