Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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