Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's like iHOP with fire
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
