I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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