That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize