So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
As shirtless as possible
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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