my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
