Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
