i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
