ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
