We won't sleep together?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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