Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
