She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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