Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
