do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
