I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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