It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
