the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
