Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
