She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
whose parrot is this?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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