i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
