Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
