In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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