so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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