You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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