No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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