so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.