...so i touched it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were destined to go to rehab together
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...