I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
