Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016