he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?