She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist