I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
