So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
