I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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