That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
