new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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