I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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