"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
