I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
