oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
