You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
