Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
