Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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